Week 14: My Secret Mission!

So yeah, it turns out I am an undercover operative for the MIB. My work week has been kinda hectic lately. Last week I had to hunt down an alien in Queens, New York. The week before that I actually went to another planet to be and ambassador for the human race to further peace talks. This week, I have been recruited to hunt down a parasitic spider-like alien that feeds on the blood of its hosts by latching on to their backs. The only way to kill it is to rip it off and stab it through the heart with a gold knife. It's last known location was a little country town in Illinois. So wish me luck while I go hunt this thing down.

Week 13: Turkey Massacre Day!

From the turkey's point of view:

Humans! Don't even get me started on humans! First they kill us, then they pull off all our feathers and stuff a bunch of bread and vegetables in us like a bunch of psychos, and then the throw us in a deep fryer. Like, are we dead enough yet? I think this year should be different! Turkeykind shall rise up and defy the humans! We will take back our freedom and return to the wild! Or, better yet, we could overthrow the humans and take control of their society in a turkey takeover! This year shall be the year we are finally free of humans!

Week 12: A new sport!

If I had the opportunity to create a new sport, I would create something similar to dodgeball mashed up with football. The players would be split up into two teams. One team would have a football and try to run it into the other team's goal zone. The other team would have a bunch of dodgeballs and would have to try to stop the other team from scoring by hitting the ball carrier (or multiple carriers) with a ball. There would be four quarters in the game, each lasting fifteen minutes. At the end of each quarter, teams switch roles.

Week 11: The eternal question!

The chicken crossed the road because... because... because... I really don't know. My highly developed brain is too logical for such questions. I end up over thinking things like this and then get extremely frustrated because I can't think of an answer that makes sense. Maybe there is no answer. Maybe the chicken crossed the road just because he wanted to. Or maybe the chicken crossed the road to visit the graves of all the dead chickens that crossed the road before him. But on another note, a better question would be, "Why did the cactus cross the road?" (It was stuck to the chicken's back.)